The Weekend Experience
-- A Husband's Perspective
In early October 2001, shortly after the tragic events of September 11, my wife Cindy and I shared an unexpectedly romantic experience together at a Marriage Encounter Weekend. I say unexpected, because although we had an advance reservation, we expected something of a routine seminar - one that might engage us intellectually, even perhaps touch us emotionally. However, I thought to myself, as I packed an overnight bag - there also might be a risk of getting into some old emotional baggage as well.
Not that we had a bad relationship, mind you. Our marriage of 17 years had had its ups and downs, but we had remained loyal to each other as we battled the inevitable child rearing issues, personality conflicts and financial stresses.
That evening, as we arrived at the hotel where the Weekend was taking place, I had to admit that no matter what might happen, we were being put up comfortably. The $45 that was required in advance to attend the Weekend was supposed to be all inclusive but from the looks of it, I seriously doubted $45 could even cover a dinner here. We checked into our room and grabbed dinner before the event started. Was it the hotel, or was it being alone together that put us in a good mood? That last circumstance was something that so rarely happened to us in a household with two children, three cats, and a mailbox that seemed to fill with bills faster than we could empty it.
Our group was getting together to start the night's presentation. There were about 10 other couples of various sizes, shapes and fashion choices taking seats in an appropriately sized conference room. At one end of the room was a long table where the 3 presenting couples were preparing to begin. It seemed that the Weekend unfolded rather quickly. But beyond the memories of talking to other couples during mealtimes and listening to interesting stories sprinkled with useful information, it seems several types of transformations were taking place that weekend: Strangers became friends, husbands and wives became closer, and individuals opened up hearts that they had shut.
What happened? Although individuals and couples are not asked to share their private lives with the group, there was a lot of sharing going on between individual spouses. We were shown how to provide a safe and loving environment in which we as husbands and wives could share sensitive feelings between us without risking retribution. Like a lot of husbands, I tended to stay away from expressing feelings because I had difficulty perceiving them, and could never quite put them into just the right words. Also, I could never control the outcome of discussions based on emotions, and I didn't like the idea of not knowing where I would end up when I went on an emotional trip with my wife. Yet here I was, risking the unknown, communicating feelings more effectively than I had done before. And here was my wife, being more accepting and non-judgmental than I hoped for. The gentleness I received from her, and that I tried to give in return, made for some tender moments that weekend.
When the Weekend ended on Sunday afternoon, it wasn't the concepts we took with us that made the biggest impression. What we both strongly felt was a renewed love and renewed commitment and way to continue on this new path. As we sped home Sunday afternoon, Cindy and I talked about how we could continue what we had started. It seemed like we had been away from home long time but it seemed like we were younger than we had started out.
By Barry May
(Barry and Cindy May are a presenting couple from Santa Rosa, California)